Morning routine. Because writing this down has helped me see that I am not the problem here.

My name is Jed. My bladder is the size of a peanut.

If you write – books, articles, emails, cheques – you’re well acquainted with what’s known in the industry as PROCRASTINATION.

Usually it creeps up on you disguised as “do or die” responsibilities.

Examples:

You sit down to write and all of a sudden realize that the clothes that have been sitting in the dryer for the last two days have to be folded NOW.

The plant on your desk that looks like desert tumbleweed needs to be watered NOW.

I’ve learned the secret to procrastination and I’m about to share it with you. (Yayyy you. You’re about to finally get some writing done. Right after you read this blog post. And, yayyy me, for being your absolute best friend and sharing this secret with you.)

Essentially, you need two dogs and a perfect writing environment (also known as “boring” in dog language).

Here’s how it works . . .

4 a.m. – Peel yourself out of bed. I know it’s early but if you plan this well (i.e. remind your hamster the night before that the appropriate time zone is THE ONE YOU’RE IN), all should go well with no bouts of insomnia between bedtime and your wake-up call.

4:05 – 4:15 – Feed dogs, make coffee

Now here’s where it gets tricky.

4:18 – Let dogs out

4:20 – Sit down to write

4:22 – Let dogs in

4:23 – Sit down to write

4:25 – Let dogs out

4:26 – Sit down to write

4:30 – Let dogs in

4:31 – Sit down to write

4:34 – Let dogs out. At this point your ego will be awake enough to realize what’s going on and you’ll naturally be drawn to stand at the door because your ego will not want to fall for this again. I’m not calling your ego stupid. I’m just saying that your ego doesn’t like to FEEL stupid.

4:36 – Let dogs in. Wherein you feel smarter than your dogs. A little.

4:37 – Sit down to write

4:40 – Realize that your dogs have gone back to bed. Probably because they’re exhausted.

By this time the creative juices that have been fermenting in that state of annoyance (thanks to your dogs) have created a near-masterpiece and you’re ready to pour it out of your sub-conscious and onto your empty canvas. (Also known as a blank screen, piece of paper or cheque.)

And there you have it! It’s the perfect recipe to the best damn book, article, email or cheque you’ve ever written.

Another possibility is that your kids wake up at this point.

I don’t have a solution for that.