When I first became a single mom, it was by choice. Just so we’re clear, it wasn’t what I had planned for myself. There’s a difference.
As it turned out, the man I had children with (also known as Mr. What-Was-I-Thinking) wasn’t as committed to our “family” as he should have been. In his defense, we were young. I’m defending him but not excusing him.
Reality check: I grew up quickly after we had our daughters. Meanwhile, Mr. What-Was-I-Thinking simply couldn’t keep up with the responsibilities that come with adulting. In hindsight, I stepped up while he took several steps down. Or maybe he just stayed in the same place.
Regardless, I flourished. He floundered. #TruthBomb
The first thing I learned when I became a single mom was that life was no easy feat. But at least I was in control of our happiness – mine and my children’s. Having left a miserable relationship, I suddenly felt lighter. I was alone but no longer lonely.
The second thing I realized was that there was an abundance of misconceptions about what my life as a single mom would be like. The hardest (or first) slap in the face came when I told my daughters’ pediatrician about the break-up. Her steely gaze bore down on me from behind thick-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of her hooked nose. As I shared the news, her lips tightened into a thin line, her expression a mask of silent judgment. Every wrinkle on her face seemed to deepen.
Her response surprised me. It was one of blame. She blamed ME for choosing NOT to raise my kids in an unhappy home.
I was young at the time (24 years old), and I remember leaving her office with toddler and baby in tow, wondering if I’d made a mess of my life. I admit, her response put me in a moment (or perhaps a few days) of questioning myself.
Had I made the right decision?
Was I going to be a burden on society?
Was this the pathway to raising future criminals?
Don’t judge me. I already told you that I was young. I was also naïve and had no idea that someone’s judgment about you can be more off-base than a vegetarian winning a BBQ contest.
Looking back, I can say with full confidence that OF COURSE I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.
I was never a burden on society and now that my children are young adults with lives of their own, I can say with full honesty that they are not criminals. They call me crying with remorse if they get a parking ticket.
Have we had our share of challenges? Ups and downs? Struggles? Yes. That’s just how life and family dynamics work.
But looking back, I now realize that the pediatrician’s reaction was wrong. She was wrong to judge me. She was wrong to blame me. And she was wrong to impose HER opinion on MY future.
She was everything you don’t want from a healthcare professional: she was unsupportive. Precisely what I did not need as a young – and new – single mother.
After that I encountered many misconceptions about what my life as a single mother was like.
Well, I’m here to debunk the myths and shed some light on the reality faced by many single mothers. As someone who’s been there, done that, and wrote the book on it (literally), I’m here to set the record straight.
So, buckle up, buttercup! I’m about to bust your bubble.
Stereotype #1: Single Moms Are Always Frazzled
Oh honey, we’re not frazzled – we’re efficient multi-taskers who can juggle a career, kids’ schedules, and still find time to binge-watch true crime documentaries. My ability to juggle a toddler’s meltdown, a writing deadline, and prep dinner all while planning tomorrow’s carpool route isn’t frazzled – it’s a finely honed superpower. We’re not scattered; we’re strategic. Sure, some days feel like a three-ring circus, but we’re the ringmasters, not the clowns. So, call us busy. Call us resourceful. But frazzled? That’s just our hair on a humid day.
Stereotype #2: We’re All Looking for a Replacement Dad
Ummm. Yeah. No. We’re not casting for “daddy 2.0” for our kids. Speaking for myself, I was more likely to swipe right on a new vacuum cleaner than a potential stepdad. When my kids were young, the only new man I needed in my life was Ben, and he came with Jerry.
Stereotype #3: Single Moms Can’t Have a Social Life
Laugh track, please. Just because we’re not out clubbing until 2 a.m. doesn’t mean we’re sitting at home knitting sweaters for feral cats. We’ve mastered the art of mom’s night out, and let me tell you, it’s wilder than you think. Nothing says, “I’m taking off my bra and twirling it above my head” like a group of women free from “Mom, I’m hungry” for a few hours.
Stereotype #4: Our Kids Are Bound to Be Troubled
Oh, you sweet, young soul. And I thought I was naïve. My kids are so well-adjusted they make the Brady Bunch look dysfunctional. Sure, we’ve had our challenges, but show me a family that hasn’t, and I’ll call BS on that. My kids have learned resilience, independence, and can make gourmet meals with only a few ingredients. (If you know me, you KNOW that’s true. My kitchen hates me and I’m just fine with that.)
Stereotype #5: We’re All Bitter Man-Haters
Cue in the eye roll. We don’t have time to hate men – we’re too busy living our best lives. Some of us are happily single, some are dating, and some have found new partners. The common thread? We’re doing what makes us happy. In fact, I can honestly say that I FLOURISHED after I gave Mr. What-Was-I-Thinking the boot. It was – quite honestly – one of my top five decisions. (I have four kids. You do the math.)
Stereotype #6: Single Moms Don’t Know How to Manage Money
While it’s true that raising kids in a single-parent (and often single-paycheck) household can be a financial challenge, assuming we’re all one mortgage payment away from disaster is as outdated as having a corded phone on the kitchen wall. Many of us have successful careers and side hustles. We’re not just expert budgeters – we’re building empires and leaving a legacy.
Here’s the real deal: Single moms are not a stereotype. We’re a force of nature. We’re raising kids, crushing careers, and still managing to keep our sense of humour intact.
The next time you’re tempted to make assumptions about single mothers, remember this: We’ve got sass. We’ve got class. And we’re kicking ass!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. This wine glass won’t re-fill itself, you know.
And cheers to all my fellow superwomen out there!
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Mona Andrei is an award-winning humour blogger and author known for her entertaining perspective on life’s quirks. In her most recent book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, she shares a personal journey filled with challenges and triumphs, intertwining stories and insights from single mothers around the globe.
When Mona isn’t writing, you’ll find her practicing her dance moves. As a member of a competitive hip hop team, she likes to think that she’ll stay young and cool forever. She may be delusional.
This is great! I did several single-mom years and my experience also busts all those myths.