Hey there, awesome readers!
I recently created a poll in the Single Moms with Moxie Facebook group, asking “What is (or was) your biggest challenge as a single parent?”
The options were:
- Juggling finances
- Managing time
- Dealing with guilt
- Reining in stress
The winner?
Number 1, Juggling finances. And I have to say, I’m not surprised.
When you’re a single mother, money and finances are a BIG concern. Mostly because we don’t have much of it. Trust me. I’ve been there and I know how stressful it is when you reach the end of the budget with days – sometimes even weeks! – left before your next paycheque arrives. It’s a race. And not a fun one. As I write this, a memory from when my kids were young and still mine is calling for attention…
I was 25 years old at the time and alone in my living room as my young daughters slept peacefully in their shared bedroom. The contrast between their innocent slumber and my inner turmoil was profound. I wasn’t so much sitting as I was collapsed in the corner, my back against the wall, legs drawn up to my chest. The weight of my circumstances pressed down on me and slumped captured my posture perfectly – physically manifesting the defeat that consumed me. In that moment, the floor seemed to be the only place solid enough to hold the burden of my worries.
Looking at the wall across the room, I remember listening to my breath as I studied the shadows outlining the edge of a lampshade and the silhouette of the couch. None of the shadows reflected my body. I felt invisible. Part of me wanted to scream in frustration. I wanted someone to hear me… to see me. The other part of me was sensitive to my sleeping children and considerate of my neighbours.
I remember feeling a sting on my finger. A paper cut. And some of my blood had smudged across the piece of paper I was holding. How ironic, I thought. My blood was the same colour as the angry words STAMPED across the top of the bill I was holding in my hand. It was the electricity bill, and I had no idea how I was going to pay it. How long do I have before they cut off my electricity, I wondered, my eyes still following the outline of the shadows.
Outside, the first signs of winter were trickling from the night sky. Never had I felt so afraid of snowflakes…
I’m sharing this with you because I want to remind you that you’re not alone in this struggle. Many single mothers face similar challenges, and there is hope. I can say that now that I’m on “this side” of the single mom journey. And I get that when you’re in the thick of it, it’s sometimes hard to see.
So, here are five tips to help you manage your finances as a single mom:
1. Create a realistic budget. I say “realistic” because it’s so easy to get caught up in the game of mentally spending your next paycheque in seven different ways before payday even arrives. So, track your income and expenses meticulously. Knowing where every dollar goes is the first step to financial control.
2. Prioritize essential expenses. The key word here is “essential.” The hole to avoid falling into is spending money on things you can do without. Also, retailers are really good at packaging things up so that the more expensive brands appeal to the decision-making side of our brains. You may have a favourite ketchup (only Heinz for me!) but more often than not, the no-name brands are just as good, and less expensive!
3. Build an emergency fund. This is where I wish I could go back in time and bop younger me upside the head. I didn’t realize back then that it’s really just a matter of starting small – today! Even $5 a week helps to create a financial cushion for those unexpected expenses. (And as we know, there are ALWAYS unexpected expenses.)
4. Explore additional income sources. And if part-time work isn’t an option because you already have a full-time job, consider selling the stuff you don’t use anymore to supplement your income. Kids outgrow their clothes and toys faster than they can wear them out and since everyone and their grandmother is on Marketplace these days, there is a buyer out there looking for what you no longer need. Oh! And don’t forget freelancing. Freelance writing is what got me through some pretty hard times.
5. Look for free or low-cost entertainment. Libraries, parks, and community centres often offer free activities for children and families. My kids and I used to LOVE going to the library to pick out a new pile of books for the upcoming week. And bonus: we’d spend Saturday mornings snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug in my bed, each lost in the pages of our selected books.
And please remember that your worth isn’t measured by your bank account. You’re doing an incredible job raising your children, and if you’re going through a difficult time, it will pass. Stay strong, keep pushing forward, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You may not realize it now, but your resilience is teaching your children valuable life lessons they’ll carry forever.
Hugs.
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Mona Andrei is an award-winning humour blogger and author known for her entertaining perspective on life’s quirks. In her most recent book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, she shares a personal journey filled with challenges and triumphs, intertwining stories and insights from single mothers around the globe.
When Mona isn’t writing, you’ll find her practicing her dance moves. As a member of a competitive hip hop team, she likes to think that she’ll stay young and cool forever. She may be delusional.
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