Every fairy tale ends with “ . . . and they lived happily ever after. The end.”
But we all know that “the end” is really just a huge cover up for the truth.
And since no one else is brave enough to talk about it out loud, I’ve decided to set the record straight. Before we all die of waiting for the “happily ever after”.
Here’s what REALLY happens . . .
Narrator: And they all lived happily ever . . .
Man’s voice from somewhere in the castle: GLORIA? GLORIA! GLO-RI-A!!!
(Well now that we all know that the narrator’s name is Gloria . . .)
Gloria: What? WHAT?!! I’m in HERE!
Man enters “in HERE!” where we quickly realize that he’s not just ANY man. He’s Prince Charming.
Prince Charming: I can’t find my white shirt.
Gloria: What do you mean? You have seven white shirts.
Prince Charming: Yeah but I need the one that the buttons haven’t all popped off. I thought you were going to sew them back on.
Gloria: I did.
Prince Charming: Oh yeah? Does THIS look like the buttons have been sewed back on (Wherein Prince Charming throws a buttonless white shirt at Gloria’s face.)
Gloria: Well maybe if you weren’t so FAT, the buttons would stay ON. And when are you planning on fixing the washing machine anyway?
(Child starts crying in the background.)
Gloria: Oh geeze. Now look. You woke up the baby.
Prince Charming. Oh sure. I woke up the baby. Have you ever thought that maybe – just maybe – your loud mouthed bitching woke up the baby?
Okay. So you get the picture. Life between “living happily ever after” and “the end” sucks.
Not so for me. I get to be a mom AND I get to lead a single life (with live-out boyfriend). How cool is that?!
It’s like being a grandparent only younger.
And here you thought this was going to be a cynical post. You know, you really should have more faith in me.