• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About
  • Hire a Moxie-Writer
  • Speaking
  • Contact
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Books
  • Single Moms with Moxie podcast

Moxie-Dude

Life updates gone wrong. Or right. I'm undecided.

  • #KitchenFails
  • Writing
  • Teenagers
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Shared Thoughts
You are here: Home / Boyfriend stories / I am not a hypochondriac. And thanks Apple for giving me the tool to believe that I have eyeball cancer.

I am not a hypochondriac. And thanks Apple for giving me the tool to believe that I have eyeball cancer.

October 30, 2012 by Mona Andrei 1 Comment

Some people named “Greg” are just insensitive

Yesterday started out quasi normal. I woke up at 3 am, tossed and turned until I pulled a muscle in my right calf and finally just gave in and got up. For the day.

The house was quiet. Naturally, no one else in their right mind wakes up at 3 a.m. Not even my Twitter friends from Australia.

In truth, I love the solitude of the morning – even if it’s really the middle of the night. My only complaint yesterday was my eye. It was irritated – and irritating – like when you get an eyelash in it. Except that it felt more like a jagged shard of glass. I did everything to try to get it out, including turning my eyelid inside out. No luck.

So after I got the kids off to school I decided to stop in at the clinic on my way to work. I guess it’s been a while since I’ve needed medical attention because I forgot to bring a cooler full of food and water for my SEVEN HOUR STAY.

Yup. A full day of sitting in the clinic’s office, waiting for them to call my name.

It even got to the point where every time I heard the buzz of the intercom (the ONLY sign that they hadn’t completely forgotten about the waiting room full of people) I would hold my breath and pray that the universe would have pity on me and that I’d be next.

Even if it wasn’t really my turn, I was hoping that a window was open somewhere and that a gust of wind had blown the charts off the secretary’s desk so that the patient order got messed up and my chart would end up on top of the pile.

I know. I’m going to hell for that one. Confession: it gets worse.

I was even starting to look at all the other “patients” as though they were the enemy competition. Seven hours of sitting in a clinic on the day that you get up at 3 a.m. will do that to a person.

And I know what you’re thinking. Why did I wait it out? Why didn’t I just leave?

But you know how it is. You consider leaving every 20 minutes but every time the thought crosses your mind, you consider how much time you’ve already invested and think, “What if I leave now and they call my name next?”

That’s how you get sucked into believing that they will call your name, “any minute now.”

THAT’S how the Quebec medical system gets you to take up space in their waiting rooms for days at a time.

And while you’re waiting, whatever is wrong with you gets worse. Because what else can you do for seven hours except think about how you may be dying and waiting is the only way that they can catch the disease before it becomes terminal.

So while my morning may have started with an invisible piece of glass in my eye, yesterday at around noon I was convinced that I had eyeball cancer.

Thank goodness for texting because while I was sitting there, outwardly cool, calm and “patient”, I was texting Greg about how one of my biggest fears had come true:

“I have eyeball cancer! This is probably God’s way of punishing me for not finishing my novel.”

Of course (and maybe I’m even a little grateful for this), Greg never believes me when I get “one of my cancers”.

But you get it right? You KNOW what it’s like to have something wrong with you and not know what it is AND have seven hours on your hands with nothing else to do but think about all the things that it could be. Right?

Conclusion:

I do not have eyeball cancer. Admittedly, I didn’t even know eyeball cancer existed until yesterday when I had all this time on my hands – enough time to look it up on my iPhone.

Thanks Apple.

Share with your followersShare on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on email
Email
Share on stumbleupon
Stumbleupon
Share on buffer
Buffer
Share on diggit
Diggit
Share on pinterest
Pinterest
Share on reddit
Reddit
Share on tumblr
Tumblr

Filed Under: Boyfriend stories, Non-travelling Adventures, Random

Reader Interactions

Trackbacks

  1. Pretend Post and Friday Funny – It’s a two for one (because everyone loves a bargain) — Moxie-Dude says:
    November 2, 2012 at 8:27 am

    […] you had eyeball cancer after sitting in a medical clinic for almost forever, I suggest you read I am not a hypochondriac. And thanks Apple for giving me the tool to believe that I have eyeball can… Filed Under: Friday Funny, Random, That effin hamster, […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

A book for single mothers? BOOYAH!

Buzz

“Mona’s ability to mix humor with insight is truly admirable.”
Holly Monteith, Cynren Press






Subscribe!

Enter your email address:
Loading

Recent Posts

  • How I fooled my ADHD into letting me plan my life
  • Oops I did it again
  • Awarded Humour Blogger of the Year. Well, that’s ONE way to end the year with a bang.
  • PAIN. Also known as bread in French.
  • Evil hides in my house

Recent Comments

  • Corinne Rodrigues on How I fooled my ADHD into letting me plan my life
  • Susan A McCorkindale on How I fooled my ADHD into letting me plan my life
  • Adela on How I fooled my ADHD into letting me plan my life
  • Pennie Nichols on How I fooled my ADHD into letting me plan my life
  • Alana on Oops I did it again

Archives

  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • June 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • March 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • July 2010
  • May 2010

Categories

  • #KitchenFails
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Boyfriend stories
  • Dating
  • Friday Funny
  • Guest post
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Kids
  • Memory Lane
  • mom adventures
  • Non-travelling Adventures
  • Out & about – because Montreal is contagious
  • Out & About in Montreal
  • Pretending to be a grown-up
  • Raising teenagers
  • Random
  • Shared Thoughts
  • Single moms
  • Solutions to world problems
  • Sponsored Post
  • Technology (sort of)
  • That effin hamster
  • Travelling Adventures
  • Uncategorized
  • Weekly Wrap-up
  • Wordless Wednesday
  • Writing

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

© 2023 · Moxie-Dude · webmaster