Sometimes I think I was born the wrong gender. Before I go on, I should probably clarify that statement. This has nothing to do with my sexual orientation, but rather my disinterest in the fine activity of SHOPPING.
And now that the holiday season is fast-approaching, shopping has morphed into an extreme sport. One that I’m not very good at.
As much as I try to avoid going to the mall, I recently had to take the kids shopping for winter boots. Did you know that there really is a difference between shopping with girls and shopping with boys?
My research is based on two weekends – one right after the other – of shopping bliss. Wherein the word “bliss” actually means HELL.
Let the courts show that one weekend was more blissful than the other.
Scientific Evidence #1 – Shopping with Samantha
Total duration of (hellful) experience: > 3 hours
Total moneys spent: > $300
– Winter boots (from original list of REQUIREMENTS)
– Winter jacket (from original list of REQUIREMENTS)
– Sweater (not on original list)
– 3 Scarves (not on original list)
Total stores visited: > 15 (Note that some of these we had to go into twice. I’m still not sure why.)
Me: Samantha, it’s a JACKET. Why don’t you like this one?
Samantha: I don’t know. I just don’t like it. And I’m not going to wear something that I don’t like.
Me: *Silence. Because it’s impossible to bite your tongue AND reply.*
Scientific Evidence #2 – Shopping with Jonathan
Total duration of experience: < 1 hour Total moneys spent: < $98 Items purchased: - Winter boots (from original list of REQUIREMENTS) - Snow pants (from original list of REQUIREMENTS) - Hat (from original list of REQUIREMENTS) - Gloves (from original list of REQUIREMENTS) Total stores visited: 1 Actual conversation: Me: Are you sure you like this? If you don’t like it, we can go to another store. Jonathan: It’s fine. Are we done? Can we go get something to eat now? Me: *Silence. Prayer of appreciation.* As jurors you are not to be swayed by sympathy. Or any impulse to judge me.