For some reason (and I blame the full moon) last week involved a series of middle-of-the-night hamster thoughts and early morning dog puking sounds (well, that actually happened only once).
Result? Sleep deprivation.
Because of this, on Friday I ended up falling asleep on the couch in my office while researching for an article I was working on. This is also known as dozing off while reading but seriously, saying that you fell asleep while RESEARCHING sounds a little less like goofing off and a little more . . . um, qualified, don’t you think?
During my professional nap I had what I would classify as a NIGHTMARE. I can’t go into too many of the details because it really was disturbing but it involved me having psychic abilities, a bunch of friends who I don’t actually know in real life, a stalker, and a psychopathic killer – who turned out to be THE SAME PERSON. (He fooled me even with my super-human powers.)
I woke up choking on all the air in the room and it took about four seconds for me to realize that 1) it was a dream, and 2) it was the middle of the day. This second point is important because if you’re like me and have lots of experience with nightmares that feel real, you know that sunlight completely cancels out any scary residue left behind by bad dreams.
Note from the hamster: You always complain about me keeping you up at night but THIS IS WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT ‘NOCTURNAL’ IS THE WAY TO GO.
Note to the hamster: Whatever.
Why did it take me four seconds to realize that I had just woken up from a bad dream? Because that’s how long it took me to notice that dumb and dumber (aka Dakota and Jed) were sitting there looking at me with this twin stare of combined anticipation/pity on their faces.
The expression “Don’t judge me!” has never been more appropriate.