Hey there, awesome readers!
I’m about to ask you a very profound question so I suggest you sit down before reading any further . . .
*This is me waiting for you to sit down … tap, tap, tap, quasi-patiently*
All good? Okay so here’s the question:
What’s the worse thing that could possibly happen to you – in the whole wide world – right after “there’s a serial killer hiding in my closet”?
And I wish I could make this a multiple-choice question – truly I do because I really want you to get this. But I can’t because the right answer is so on my face that I can’t even think about coming up with bogus multiple-choice options. And when I say “on my face”, I really do mean ON. MY. FACE.
Waking up one morning and realizing that while you were sleeping, a spider had the audacity to crawl across your face and go to town on your cheekbone.
Yes, this happened to me recently. And while part of me is like “OH MY GOD, SPRING!” The other part of me (possibly the more rational part) is screaming, EWWWWWWW!!!
I’m thinking I may never sleep again. I’m also thinking that spiders should be entitled to an asshole tax because EWWWWW!