Hey there, awesome readers!
Fact: I slaved over last night’s dinner.
Also a fact: I hate that you’re rolling your eyes right now.
Last night’s #KitchenFail all started at precisely 5:52 p.m. when I realized that I had nothing planned for supper. No worries because that’s what freezers are for, right?
Except that just as I was going to snoop through my freezer, I remembered a conversation that I had with my daughter last weekend:
Daughter: You bought the wrong kind of frozen pizza. AGAIN.
Me: Oops. AGAIN.
Daughter: Don’t be smart. Is this what you want? A freezer filled with the WRONG kind of pizza???
Being the rebel that I am, I looked in the freezer anyway and discovered a steak. A BIG steak that could – if prepared properly – feed my teens and I. My only problem? It was frozen. So after a quick reach-out to my friendly panel of cooking consultants (made up of real-life and online friends), I was advised that you can indeed cook red meat from frozen.
Note Exhibit A
Then I was advised that maybe I should add water.
Exhibits B and C demonstrate the thawing power of water.
All good so far, right?
Except when I turned over said steak it looked like this:
We’ll call Exhibit D the first signs of disgusting.
Determined to cook this sucker, I thought, “Oh I know! GARLIC.
But while I was busy chopping up garlic, the steak was busy BLEEDING.
Exhibit F demonstrates the second signs of disgusting.
Not sure what to do, I just kind of stared at this disgusting, bleeding piece of meat for a while and pondered how long I should wait before I could dump it in the garbage. Why would I have to wait? Because visions of a hot piece of meat melting the plastic bag that is my garbage seemed even more disgusting.
And then just as I was getting ready to order a pizza (again), the blood just kind of evaporated into thin air. It seemed the piece of red meat, now a dull, unappetizing grey, was ready to receive the garlic (as evidenced by Exhibit G).
It was at this moment that I realized I’d forgotten about potatoes and vegetables.
Result of my slaving:
Meat was cold and gross.
Exhibit H demonstrates the potential for mashed potatoes to be soupy AND chunky at the same time. Possibly this is how “potage” was invented. Also possibly, I don’t even know what potage is.
Dear My Friends Who Are Coming Over For Supper On Saturday: Come early!