Hey there, awesome readers!
Fact: I slaved over last night’s dinner.
Also a fact: I hate that you’re rolling your eyes right now.
Last night’s #KitchenFail all started at precisely 5:52 p.m. when I realized that I had nothing planned for supper. No worries because that’s what freezers are for, right?
Except that just as I was going to snoop through my freezer, I remembered a conversation that I had with my daughter last weekend:
Daughter: You bought the wrong kind of frozen pizza. AGAIN.
Me: Oops. AGAIN.
Daughter: Don’t be smart. Is this what you want? A freezer filled with the WRONG kind of pizza???
Being the rebel that I am, I looked in the freezer anyway and discovered a steak. A BIG steak that could – if prepared properly – feed my teens and I. My only problem? It was frozen. So after a quick reach-out to my friendly panel of cooking consultants (made up of real-life and online friends), I was advised that you can indeed cook red meat from frozen.
Note Exhibit A
Then I was advised that maybe I should add water.
Exhibits B and C demonstrate the thawing power of water.
All good so far, right?
Except when I turned over said steak it looked like this:
We’ll call Exhibit D the first signs of disgusting.
Determined to cook this sucker, I thought, “Oh I know! GARLIC.
Exhibit E
But while I was busy chopping up garlic, the steak was busy BLEEDING.
Exhibit F demonstrates the second signs of disgusting.
Not sure what to do, I just kind of stared at this disgusting, bleeding piece of meat for a while and pondered how long I should wait before I could dump it in the garbage. Why would I have to wait? Because visions of a hot piece of meat melting the plastic bag that is my garbage seemed even more disgusting.
And then just as I was getting ready to order a pizza (again), the blood just kind of evaporated into thin air. It seemed the piece of red meat, now a dull, unappetizing grey, was ready to receive the garlic (as evidenced by Exhibit G).
It was at this moment that I realized I’d forgotten about potatoes and vegetables.
Result of my slaving:
Meat was cold and gross.
Exhibit H demonstrates the potential for mashed potatoes to be soupy AND chunky at the same time. Possibly this is how “potage” was invented. Also possibly, I don’t even know what potage is.
Dear My Friends Who Are Coming Over For Supper On Saturday: Come early!
Haw haw! You’re hilarious in a kitchen. Okay, listen – the steak will defrost in 15 minutes, if you put it in a sink with luke warm (not hot) water (leave it in its wrapping). Also, a steak is supposed to bleed as it cooks: make sure the pan is hot first, fry one side, and when the blood starts to appear you turn it over. Do not add water! Unless stew.
I expect you to show this comment to your kids so they can rescue the dinner in case you forget next time lmao!
A big thank-you for your break-down instructions. My teens thank you as well. FYI: I’ve decided that I’m not even going to attempt red meat anymore.
LOL! Oh Mona….
By the way, the “meat bleeding” is normal. It indicates that heat as reached the center of the meat and it is “boiling out”. This would be an ideal time to stop cooking the meat if you want it medium. Just let it rest for 5-15 minutes (depending on the size) and this will allow the juices to absorb back into the meat and it will be juicy rather than dry. If you cut the meat right away, the juices (aka blood) will leak out and your meat will be dry.
Oh and also, the water just boiled your steak – hence the grey colour and chewy texture 😉
Thanks, Camille! But the next time I want steak YOU’RE COMING OVER. Just saying 🙂
Oh man, Mona. 🙂 I feel bad for making the recommendation that it can be done though it’s not the ideal situation. Thawing meat bleeds till the inside finishes thawing out and begins to cook, and rapid heating is a little bit more traumatic and not… gourmet. But we weren’t aiming for that, I was just trying to get you to the point of cooked without raw and burned at the same time 🙂 PS (next time?) you can dump the water towards the end, turn the heat up to medium, brown the outsides a bit more 🙂 Let’s see how you make with a salad 😉
Well thanks to you, my kids got to eat. Sort of. BTW, I make a mean salad. And by “mean” I mean edible 🙂
I am so confused at how you disappeared off my bloglovin. I kept thinking there should be a new post. Why I didn’t come sooner to see what was wrong and find out that there was nothing wrong, I don’t know. I guess because I thought you might be taking a break since I wasn’t seeing anything. Who knows. I certainly don’t. Your steak fail looks like my baking ones!
Odd about Bloglovin. Although admittedly, I’ve been really busy with client projects (a GOOD problem 🙂
Baking is even harder than cooking red meat and something I wouldn’t attempt. At least not by myself 🙂
*giggle* Mona, between the two of us we could totally ruin so many meals!
As I have been telling you in the last 35 years, my dear daughter, when you get up in the morning, you should know what you will serve your family for supper. Then you do not run into problem. Have a good day.
I know. You’re right. I’m a rebel. *Head down in shame*
OMG. I had to share this on FB. SO FUNNY!!!!!