Happy “It’s-Finally-Friday”, awesome readers!
While I would never claim to be the “Dear Abby” type (also I would suggest that you NEVER take my advice when it comes to relationships), it does happen once in a while that my friends come to me to help them figure stuff out. Apparently my over-analytical mind is just what they need when they’re too close to a situation that needs analyzing.
So here’s what happened this week …
A friend of mine – we’ll call her “Claire” – called me to say that she had read my Girl’s Night Out post and that she really needed some girl time because she suspected that her boyfriend may be cheating on her.
PS. If you think I’m not being a good friend by writing about this, “Claire” is completely aware and was hoping to get advice from strangers since we both know that I’m not the Grand Puba of relationships. To my dismay.
Why does Claire suspect that her boyfriend is cheating on her? During our lunch, she told me that three things happened recently:
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He was on a phone conversation and completely changed his tone when she walked in the room; going from a soft, casual voice to a business tone.
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Lately he almost always takes his phone with him into the bathroom.
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They went out for dinner last weekend and she noticed that his phone was on airplane mode the entire time.
So of course I agreed with her that yes, these are definite signs that he could be cheating on her and I told her that she should just ask him about it. Plain and simple, right?
Except that when she did (and this is the part that proves what a non-Dear Abby I am), it turned into a huge fight and he told her that she’s being – you’re going to love this – “paranoid.”
Here’s how I see it …
If she suspects ANYTHING or is feeling uncomfortable, wouldn’t he WANT to talk about her concerns? I realize that men are from Mars and to be honest, I don’t even know how to get to Mars, but is the fact that he got defensive not the biggest sign of all that he’s cheating???
The boyfriend who DID cheat on me lied to my face and didn’t get defensive at all.
But yeah, blowing up and calling someone paranoid doesn’t make them look all that innocent either. I guess the only thing you can do is go with your gut in this kind of situation.
Sorry that you had to live through that, Jessica. And thanks for your input. Sadly, we’re pretty sure that he’s cheating on her.
I have a friend whose husband did this for SEVEN YEARS of their marriage until he got caught by her. I don’t now how she can trust him now. It’s hard for me to support her decision to stay with him and not rant about his indiscretions. My husband won’t accept him in our house. If you want to be a chaser, choose that lifestyle openly. Stop hurting the people who prefer commitment!