• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About
  • Hire a Moxie-Writer
  • Speaking
  • Contact
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Books
  • Single Moms with Moxie podcast

Moxie-Dude

Life updates gone wrong. Or right. I'm undecided.

  • #KitchenFails
  • Writing
  • Teenagers
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Shared Thoughts
You are here: Home / Boyfriend stories / What PANIC looks like first thing in the morning. After a heavy night of beet eating.

What PANIC looks like first thing in the morning. After a heavy night of beet eating.

November 11, 2014 by Mona Andrei 19 Comments

Hey there, awesome readers!

I’m about to share a hermetic secret with you. “Hermetic”, because apparently this is only known to a select few. “Secret”, because apparently no one else has stepped up to tell you about it.

Well have a seat, awesome readers, because guess what! I’m about to step up. You’re welcome.

Recently – quite by accident – I stumbled upon a classified piece of information on how the body works and how the colour PINK is not your friend. It all started when I ate twice my body weight in beets.

Why?

Because beets taste good. Also they’re good for you. And when I say they’re good for you, I mean they help fight cancer.

Except that – and this is the “hermetic secret” part – eating beets will almost always make you think that you HAVE cancer. (Notice the OPPOSITE EFFECT.)

Why?

Because the morning after the night before you ate twice your body weight in beets you will wake up – like very other morning. You will crawl out of bed before you’re fully awake – like every other morning. And you will go for a pee – like every other morning.

Then, groggily, you will reach over to flush the toilet and, not because you planned it but by accident, your field of view will fall inside the toilet. (Of course by accident; only people with a sick sense of art-appreciation look in there ON PURPOSE.) Suddenly, a symphony of heavy metal music will explode inside your head and every single cell in your body will get hit by tiny lightening rods and you will abruptly wake up.

Why?

Because the toilet’s contents will not be the lovely and reliable shade of yellow that you’ve come to appreciate in a warm-and-fuzzy-I’m-so-healthy kind of way. Nope. The contents of that toilet will be PINK.

And PINK – as you will rudely realize – is not the colour of sugar and spice and everything nice that you’ve been brought up to believe it is. Nope. PINK is the asshole that likes to imitate blood when you’re half asleep.

At first I was paralyzed, stressing over my newly discovered state of cancer-somewhere-inside-my-body. I was downstairs, accompanied by my own dreadful thoughts and cup of cold coffee when I heard my boyfriend wake up and walk into the bathroom. Then I heard him scream like a girl. In his defense it may have been a scream like a boy. (A very YOUNG boy.)

Either way, I knew then that PINK was being an asshole for him too.

Conclusion

We’re going to lay off the beets for a while. Just in case.

Eating Beets

Follow my blog with Bloglovin!

Share with your followersShare on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on email
Email
Share on stumbleupon
Stumbleupon
Share on buffer
Buffer
Share on diggit
Diggit
Share on pinterest
Pinterest
Share on reddit
Reddit
Share on tumblr
Tumblr

Filed Under: Boyfriend stories, Hamster Ramblings, Non-travelling Adventures, Pretending to be a grown-up, Random Tagged With: beets, eating beets, red pee, results of eating beets

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Eva says

    November 11, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Thank you for starting of my day laughing…I too love beets …have a dozen mason jars I pickled myself …and every once in a while I will eat a whole mason jar because they are sooooo good…I will make sure not to panic when I pee pink but I will definitely be thinking of you every time I eat them for the rest of my life!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 12, 2014 at 12:26 am

      Lucky you! Knowing how to pickle your own beets! That’s almost like a super power!!!

      Reply
  2. Laura A Klein says

    November 12, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    So it’s not just me? LOL

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:40 am

      Nope 🙂

      Reply
  3. pia says

    November 12, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    This was hilarious.

    I threw beets off the table once. In my defense I was 9 months old. My feelings haven’t changed much. Beets and Okra–only vegetables I hate

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:40 am

      Clearly you’re wiser than I 🙂

      Reply
  4. Sandy Ramsey says

    November 12, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Oh my goodness! This was funny! I am quite sure it wasn’t at the time. I would have freaked out too, no doubt. I have to admit thought that my favorite part was your boyfriend’s girlish scream!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:40 am

      Thanks, Sandy. Confession: My bf’s girlish scream is my fave part too 🙂

      Reply
  5. Haralee says

    November 12, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    Sooner or later everyone realizes the effects of beets. Corn and beet salad, think about it!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:39 am

      Thought about it. Thanks. Now I CAN’T unthink about it 🙂

      Reply
  6. Michelle says

    November 12, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    HAHHAHAH…I know of this panic! I have been there.

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:38 am

      Somehow that makes me feel better 🙂

      Reply
  7. Claudia Schmidt says

    November 13, 2014 at 4:22 am

    Oh god, I LOVE beets, but never realized you could eat so many that they’d turn your pee to pink, LOL!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 13, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      Yup. True story, Claudia 🙂

      Reply
  8. Cathy Chester says

    November 14, 2014 at 1:04 am

    You are so funny. Thanks for giving me a good laugh after a long, hard day!!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 14, 2014 at 1:47 am

      Pleasure! Thanks for stopping by! Love your blog 🙂

      Reply
  9. Kyla@Mommy's Weird says

    November 15, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    BAHAHAHAHA. I just heard a similar story. Shared with a few friends.. privately 😉

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      November 16, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      Thanks, Kyla 🙂

      Reply
  10. Courtney says

    November 17, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    LOL!! Mona you tell the funniest stories!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

A book for single mothers? BOOYAH!

Buzz

“Mona’s ability to mix humor with insight is truly admirable.”
Holly Monteith, Cynren Press






Subscribe!

Enter your email address:
Loading

Recent Posts

  • Dear Single Moms: The ceiling may not have the answers, but I do!
  • Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. My self-doubt is acting up.
  • The Sisterhood of Single Moms: Because Keeping our Sanity Takes a Village (and a lot of wine)
  • 10 Reasons Why Single Moms Are Superheroes (And Don’t Even Know It!)
  • The truth about why we feel crappy and 4 steps to feeling less crappy

Recent Comments

  • Diane on Dear Single Moms: The ceiling may not have the answers, but I do!
  • Diane on Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. My self-doubt is acting up.
  • Diane on The Sisterhood of Single Moms: Because Keeping our Sanity Takes a Village (and a lot of wine)
  • Susan McCorkindale on The truth about why we feel crappy and 4 steps to feeling less crappy
  • Diane on The truth about why we feel crappy and 4 steps to feeling less crappy

Archives

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • June 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • March 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • July 2010
  • May 2010

Categories

  • #KitchenFails
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Boyfriend stories
  • Dating
  • Friday Funny
  • Guest post
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Kids
  • Memory Lane
  • mom adventures
  • Non-travelling Adventures
  • Out & about – because Montreal is contagious
  • Out & About in Montreal
  • Pretending to be a grown-up
  • Raising teenagers
  • Random
  • Shared Thoughts
  • Single moms
  • Solutions to world problems
  • Sponsored Post
  • Technology (sort of)
  • That effin hamster
  • Travelling Adventures
  • Uncategorized
  • Weekly Wrap-up
  • Wordless Wednesday
  • Writing

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

© 2023 · Moxie-Dude · webmaster