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You are here: Home / Aging and its niceties / Once upon a few years ago my tween asked me if she could dye her hair. I said no. The end. But then …

Once upon a few years ago my tween asked me if she could dye her hair. I said no. The end. But then …

December 14, 2014 by Mona Andrei 7 Comments

Hey there, awesome readers!

When people first meet me they’re always surprised by my age. If you don’t know me in real life, I’m pulling 40.

Note from the Hamster: Liar! You’re pushing 50!

Then they’re surprised to find out that I’m a mother to four kids – two in their mid to late 20s and two teenagers.

Note from the Hamster: Don’t be delusional. The only reason why they’re surprised is because you’re ridiculous. And by default, mothers are a lot of things; none of them being ridiculous.

Note to the Hamster: Shut. Up. Are you writing this post or am I?!!

All that to say that I’m a veteran mom with lots of real life experience and hands-on practice in dealing with the “whys” of parental decisions.

Except that …

The other day I was getting ready to put highlights in my hair when my youngest daughter – who is now 15 and a half – asked if I could highlight her hair as well. My first reaction was to say “no”.

But then I did something that no parent really feels comfortable doing: I over-ruled my own rebuff and gave in. (Precisely why I would have made a terrible lawyer. Also, I’ve never, ever used the word “rebuff” before. Just saying.)

So why did I rebuff my own decision, you ask? (Hmmmm. There’s that word again. Slightly less intimidating the second time around.)

Because thinking that I might have said no just out of habit, I took my daughter’s question (Can you put highlights in my hair?) and my response (No.) and twisted them around in my mind until they lined up like the sides of a Rubik’s Cube.

But guess what?

There was no lining up because there was no valid justification.

The real reason why I said no was because on some level I wanted to protect her. But protect her from what? I had no idea.

Note from the Hamster: Isn’t it obvious? We were trying to protect her from growing up.

Note to the Hamster: Okay. So you have a point. (For once.)

Although my kids like to think otherwise, I was 15 and a half at her age and from what I remember, being a teenager has more to do with being on the verge of life’s underbelly than anyone at that age even realizes. It’s like having one foot in a game of hopscotch while the rest of your body is being accosted by hormones and pimples and crushes so deep that you’re sure you’re going to die from a heartbreak before your next birthday; even if the other end of that crush doesn’t even know you exist.

But then I look at my daughter and her friends and I think, “y’all are so much smarter than I was at your age.” Once I even said it out loud but it just made them look at me with polite pity – as though I had just invited them to hang out with me at the mall. Because how could someone who’s … er, pushing 50 even remember what it’s like to be 15 and a half?

Trust me. I remember. Which is precisely the reason why my decision got rebuffed. Sadly, I can’t protect my kids from life. None of us can. Life wears the face of unpredictability every day. Imperfection is her nature. She will be kind. She will be a bitch. And as the gods know, she will forever be unfair. With all of our experience and hands-on practice, we know this. We are wise in the ways of life. And still we can’t protect our kids.

But we CAN pretend to be 15 and a half again while our teenagers pretend to be grown up. Because meeting in the middle is the perfect place for an afternoon of highlights – both for our hair and a shared moment in time.

Photo published with teen’s approval.
Photo published with teen’s approval.

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Filed Under: Aging and its niceties, Hamster Ramblings, mom adventures, Pretending to be a grown-up, Raising teenagers, That effin hamster Tagged With: raising teenagers, teenagers

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Eva L says

    December 14, 2014 at 1:47 am

    Can’t get enough …

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      December 19, 2014 at 10:53 am

      Awwww … Thanks, Eva 🙂

      Reply
  2. susie says

    December 14, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Love this so much! Bravo!!

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      December 19, 2014 at 10:53 am

      Thanks, Susie! And thanks for stopping by 🙂

      Reply
  3. Monique says

    December 15, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Jayson got all excited when he saw you and Samy doing your hair

    Reply
  4. Leona Caputo says

    December 15, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Awesome! When I was 15, my mom wouldn’t let me dye my hair blue. 🙂

    Reply
    • Mona Andrei says

      December 19, 2014 at 10:52 am

      I can totally see you with blue hair!

      Reply

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