Caveat: This post is fragmented.
Caveat to my caveat: It’s how my brain is working right now.
So here’s the scoop, awesome readers!
I have been trying REALLY HARD to write these last few weeks but my brain is broken. You see, I had a seizure and during my academy award-winning role of sizzling bacon, I gave myself a concussion. I also gave myself a black eye but right now vanity is the last thing on my list of things-to-stay-awake-and-worry-about.
Did someone mention a list?
Here’s the #1 thing on my worry list right now!
1. What if I had been driving?
This is how seizures work: One minute you’re just going along your day, doing laundry or planning supper, when all of a sudden there’s a title wave in your brain. The shock creates a disconnect between all the other sections of your brain, your body, and your consciousness. The next thing you know you’re laying on the ground and someone is hovering over you, asking really important questions and you have no idea what the answers are. Questions like, “What’s your name?” and “Where do you live?”
While it may sound frightening to suddenly not know who or where you are, the truth is that you’re just too damn confused to feel anything except, well, confusion. Oh and pain. Your head … your nose … your cheeks and collar bones … Confusion and pain are pretty much all you’re aware of in the next minutes or hours after you wake up from a seizure.
The second thing on my worry list:
2. What if my brain stays broken?
Since the seizure, my family has noticed some quirky behavior from me. If you know me in real life, QUIRKIER THAN USUAL.
Focusing is a problem. Remembering is a challenge. Finishing sentences is a setback.
Even this little status post is taking me DAYS to write but I really wanted to touch base with you, dear readers. I really wanted to grasp onto a sense of ‘normal’.
The other thing I have to come to terms with is the fact that I can no longer drive. Put into perspective, losing my independence is a small price to pay when you consider that should I ever have a seizure while driving, I could kill someone.
That’s a scary thought, indeed.