Hello, awesome readers! Let’s just dig right into that conversation, shall we?
Me (to me): Hmmm. It’s almost 5 o’clock. Maybe I should start thinking about supper.
Me: Great idea! I love it when you act like an adult. So what do you think? Popcorn?
Me (to me): No, I was thinking “real food”. Mom made roast pork when she was over last weekend. Let’s make something with the leftovers.
Me: Oh genius. But why “make something”? Why not just have leftovers?
Me (to me): Isn’t that what I just said?
Kitchen action: Vegetables, chopped. Leftover meat, chunked. Rice, boiling. You know, all that “fun” kitchen stuff.
Me: I need to take the dogs out for a walk. You got this?
Me (to me): Does a frog have a water-tight asshole? (Infamous family expression. Translation: Yes.)
Yard action: Walk with dogs. Decide new trees and plants need watering. Physically appreciate the quiet calm of country living. Realize with panic-stricken swallow of air that I left me alone in the kitchen with the stove on. Run back to the house.
Me: Everything is burnt!!!
Me (to me): And you expected to walk back in the house to find the table set with a gourmet meal? What. Is. Wrong. With. You?