• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About
  • Hire a Moxie-Writer
  • Speaking
  • Contact
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Books
  • Single Moms with Moxie podcast

Moxie-Dude

Life updates gone wrong. Or right. I'm undecided.

  • #KitchenFails
  • Writing
  • Teenagers
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Shared Thoughts
You are here: Home / Aging and its niceties / The truth behind my obsession with Friends: my brother

The truth behind my obsession with Friends: my brother

May 2, 2018 by Mona Andrei 7 Comments

Hey there, beautiful people!

And when I say “beautiful”, I really do mean it.

This conscious appreciation for the many phases of beauty stems from an article I read recently where Friends co-star, Courteney Cox, has succumbed to the aging process and is now following a trepid diet of self-acceptance.

I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER FOR HER.

Okay, okay. I don’t know her in real life and why should I care how she feels about herself and her age?

Yes, I can hear the questions.

I can actually see the rainbow of raised, questioning eyebrows.

So here are a few thoughts on this …

First of all, as with the show’s aging stars (and audience), we all know that Friends is several years past its prime. Admittedly, during its heyday I was probably the only person in the entire western world that wasn’t watching this weekly comedy.

Yet I was very much aware of this funny little show about six BFFs living in NYC.

I remember going into the office and hearing my colleagues talk about the previous night’s episode.

I remember how everyone had a favorite character.

I remember women trying to emulate Rachel’s flawless hair.

I remember conversations about the “end of a season” or the beginning of a new one.

So why wasn’t I watching this much-talked-about show? I blame my rebel self. I wanted nothing to do with it simply because everyone else was watching it. (Also, I may not have had cable at the time.)

Then my brother got sick and moved into his final home, a hospital for people carrying the burden of a life-limiting disease. It was during this time, during my visits with him, that Friends quickly became our favorite show. We would watch. We would laugh. We would try to imitate Joey’s, “how YOU do’in?”

Then, after my brother’s body gave up and we were left with the heavy void of his death, I just couldn’t watch it anymore. It’s like I was mad at Friends … blamed the show for our family tragedy.

Something happens deep inside us when someone we love dies. Thoughts and questions enter our brains like little rabbit turds that suddenly appear in the unsettled corners of our mind.

“Maybe I should have stayed longer during my visits with him.”

“Why didn’t I take advantage of the time we had?”

“With all the assholes and pedophiles in the world, why did my brother have to be the one to get sick and die?”

“Why was the truth of his impending death so hard to look at?”

And then I would hear the theme song to Friends (“… I’ll be there for you …”) and I hated it. It seemed to yell at me.

YES. YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED LONGER DURING YOUR VISITS WITH HIM.

YES. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE ON HIS LAST BIRTHDAY.

YES. THERE ARE A LOT OF ASSHOLES IN THIS WICKED WORLD AND WE ALL LIVE AND DIE TO THE TICKING OF OUR INDIVIDUAL CLOCKS.

THE TRUTH WAS HARD TO WATCH BECAUSE LIFE SEEMS TO ENJOY HER ABILITY TO STEAL FROM US. GET USED TO IT.

I’m not saying these thoughts are logical. I’m just saying that the rabbit turds get caught up in a whirlwind before they settle in a place deep within our souls. It’s how death works for the living.

Then about a year ago I was looking for something to watch on Netflix and there it was: the entire ten seasons of Friends, right at my fingertips.

“Hmmmm … do I really want to go there?” I asked myself.

Apparently, it was time because myself didn’t even wait for an answer. Before I knew it, my finger had tapped on the show’s icon and there we were. Just my iPad and I lying in the dark, re-watching … re-living … some of the last days of my brother’s life with Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, and Ross. Oh and Gunther.

At first it was hard. Although hard in an increasingly good way.

I got to re-hear my brother’s very distinct laugh as I listened to the same lines that had made us chuckle out loud.

I got to remember who I was, who my brother was, and what our quiet, adult friendship was like.

Over this past year I’ve immersed myself through the seasons like laps around a swimming pool.

At first, I would catch myself holding my breath. Although my eyes were pointing toward the screen, I watched the show from inside my head.

The theme song made me melancholy. The rawness of the actors’ performances during the first season made me realize that we live in a world that revolves around change.

Then as the characters developed into their own with each passing season, I began to slowly climb out of my head and watch the show for what it was: a funny show about six imperfect friends. Quirky in their personalities. Eccentric in their friendships. Always ready to make fun of each other; yet truly loyal to each other and to their friendships.

Imperfect perfection.

And now with Courteney Cox accepting her aging body, I feel it’s time to let go of my imperfect loyalty to my brother.

I think of him every day and have come to realize that missing him is a part of life after death.

In the same breath, I can’t help but tilt my head with a welcoming nod to the morning sun and new phases of my own life.

Follow this blog with Bloglovin.

Share with your followersShare on facebook
Facebook
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on email
Email
Share on stumbleupon
Stumbleupon
Share on buffer
Buffer
Share on diggit
Diggit
Share on pinterest
Pinterest
Share on reddit
Reddit
Share on tumblr
Tumblr

Filed Under: Aging and its niceties

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Laura says

    May 3, 2018 at 7:18 am

    What an onsite full look into such a difficult time. Well said.

    Reply
    • Laura says

      May 3, 2018 at 7:19 am

      ‘Insightful’ -oops!

      Reply
  2. 1010ParkPlace says

    May 3, 2018 at 8:23 am

    After my husband died a friend of mine said you never get over their death. You just learn to walk along side it. Please don’t second-guess yourself about what you could have done better or should have done. You were there for him, which was everything. Brenda

    Reply
  3. Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au says

    May 3, 2018 at 9:05 am

    How wonderful to have had a brother who you cared about so much. This was a beautiful and sad post and I could feel your love for him all the way through. I’m glad that you’re finding your way through your grief.

    Reply
  4. Laurie says

    May 3, 2018 at 3:01 pm

    Very powerful. So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you loved your brother very much.

    Reply
  5. Priscilla King says

    May 3, 2018 at 3:05 pm

    Survivor guilt…

    Walking out of the hospital where my health-conscious husband was dying of cancer, seeing some slob sucking on a cigarette…let’s just say my first reaction was not a prayer that Smokin’ Schmuck be healed.

    In some other dimension a shriek of “Whyyy?” is still echoing around the universe.

    Partly because the outrage feels less bad than the grief itself, or the guilt because, no matter what you did during your loved one’s last days, it wasn’t enough to keep him alive.

    You’re still alive.

    People would miss you, too.

    Live and be well.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    (I’m sure a few thousand other people you’ve never met will now feel that we’ve bonded with you through the universal experience of bereavement…I promise to remember that that happened only in my reading brain.)

    Reply
  6. Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski says

    May 3, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    My youngest brother died and it was so hard. I was 12 years older than him so it made me feel guilty in a way. Friends was such a great way. Jennifer Aniston still looks the same no matter what. I don’t know how she does it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

A book for single mothers? BOOYAH!

Buzz

“Mona’s ability to mix humor with insight is truly admirable.”
Holly Monteith, Cynren Press






Subscribe!

Enter your email address:
Loading

Recent Posts

  • Feeling meh? Don’t count on AI to fix your life.
  • Wordless Wednesday for Single Moms
  • Dear Single Moms: The ceiling may not have the answers, but I do!
  • Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. My self-doubt is acting up.
  • The Sisterhood of Single Moms: Because Keeping our Sanity Takes a Village (and a lot of wine)

Recent Comments

  • Leslie Girmscheid on Wordless Wednesday for Single Moms
  • Alana on Wordless Wednesday for Single Moms
  • Carol Cassara on Wordless Wednesday for Single Moms
  • Diane on Feeling meh? Don’t count on AI to fix your life.
  • Alana on Feeling meh? Don’t count on AI to fix your life.

Archives

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • June 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • March 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • July 2010
  • May 2010

Categories

  • #KitchenFails
  • Aging and its niceties
  • Boyfriend stories
  • Dating
  • Friday Funny
  • Guest post
  • Hamster Ramblings
  • Kids
  • Memory Lane
  • mom adventures
  • Non-travelling Adventures
  • Out & about – because Montreal is contagious
  • Out & About in Montreal
  • Pretending to be a grown-up
  • Raising teenagers
  • Random
  • Shared Thoughts
  • Single moms
  • Solutions to world problems
  • Sponsored Post
  • Technology (sort of)
  • That effin hamster
  • Travelling Adventures
  • Uncategorized
  • Weekly Wrap-up
  • Wordless Wednesday
  • Writing

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

© 2023 · Moxie-Dude · webmaster