Hello, awesome readers!
Notice the exclamation mark. This is because I. Am. Alive.
Yesterday when I got home from the office there was a van parked in front of my house.
All good. So far nothing out of the ordinary. I watered my lawn, puttered around the house, did laundry … you know, usual after the work day stuff.
Then I sat on my couch and watched FBI: Criminal Pursuit.
As I was getting ready to go to bed, I realized that said (now suspicious) van was STILL PARKED OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.
This is when I decided that maybe I should tell someone. I wanted to leave an important breakthrough clue for my impending disappearance. Naturally, I texted my someone …
When I woke up this morning, I was alive and the van was gone. It was a restless sleep. At first, I was going to leave the light on all night but then I realized that the serial killer would have direct access to me after I fell asleep. So instead I set up a booby trap. I put a bunch of things in front of my bed (vacuum cleaner, ironing board, shoes, etc.) and closed the light.
Then I got back in bed and waited for the sounds of someone tripping over stuff. Except I guess I fell asleep and here I am.
I’m never watching TV again.
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