When you’d rather braid water: 3 tips for owning who you are

Hello again, awesome readers!

Once upon a long time ago, I would do stuff.

Mostly stuff like make dinner, and make sure I didn’t rock anyone’s boat by “offending” them.

Sidenote: Offending is in quotation marks because these days, it’s hard NOT to offend someone.

Case in Point:

“How was I supposed to know that you identify as a cat? And yes, I did notice the kitty litter box in the corner of your living room, but I thought you had a ca… EWWW!”

Disclaimer: While this conversation mostly happened in my head, apparently there IS such a thing as identifying as a cat. * Insert eye roll *

And then one day I suddenly woke up (like a princess being kissed by a prince; except there was no prince) and I realized that I don’t even like making dinner. And why am I making sure the waters are calm when I don’t even agree with this person. In fact, * gasp * I DON’T EVEN LIKE THEM.

My immediate thought upon this realization was, “OMG. I would rather braid water than do these things!”

Except that perhaps there were a few more exclamation marks than that in this sudden realization. (Don’t judge me. I’m THIS age. I need to conserve my energy for the stuff I actually do enjoy.)

Okay. So, the making dinner thing, I soon realized (again with the realizations; clearly this was a pure moment of growth for me) was a non-negotiable. I had to – and still have to – make dinner. The voices in my head were very adamant about that.

To give you a glimpse into what it sounds like to live with these voices:

SERIOUSLY, MONA?

YOU MUST EAT.

OH. AND NEWS FLASH: YOU’RE NOT A GAZILLIONAIRE.

UBER EATS IS NOT AN OPTION.

WELL… OKAY, SO NOT AN EVERYDAY OPTION.

AND TRISCUITS AREN’T AN OPTION EITHER.

Damn.

Upon hearing said stupid …smart ass … sage voices in my head, I soon came to the conclusion that I had to listen to them. Mostly because they had a point. But partly because they yell. All. The. Time.

Except…

Wait up, buttercup. What about this thing about agreeing with people that I don’t even like.

* LIGHTBULB MOMENT *

What’s that about?

It feels icky.

It makes me feel small.

It’s… what’s the word?

Oh, I know!

WRONG.

And yes, braiding water sounds more fun than making sure you’re not rocking said water under someone else’s (should be sinking) boat.

So, while I accept the fact that making dinner on occasion is a must, agreeing with the shenanigans of others is not.

There you have it. Welcome to the new me.

But wait! You think it ends here… by making a decision?

Oh, no, no, no.

This is hard work. This is breaking a bad habit that stems from something psychologists with big degrees in human nature would explain as “ridiculous.”

And so, as the curtains draw on this tale of self-discovery and culinary obligations, I bid adieu to the old me, the one who toiled in the kitchen and nodded along to the discordant symphony of opinions that clashed with my own.

But before I leave you to your own adventures in authenticity, allow me to impart three humble tips for standing tall in the face of conformity:

1. Know yourself and own it. Take the time to truly understand your own values and beliefs. When you have a clear picture of who you are and what you stand for, it’s easier to recognize when lines are being crossed. (And always respect the values and beliefs of others.)

2. Speak your truth. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinions, even if they differ from others. Remember that your perspective is valid and worthy of expression. YOU are worthy of expression. Speak your truth with confidence and conviction. (And always express yourself with kindness.)

3. Set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries and be firm in enforcing them. Whether it’s saying ‘no’ to something that doesn’t align with your values or setting limits on how much of yourself you’re willing to give, setting healthy boundaries is a prerequisite for your own self-respect and well-being. (And don’t feel guilty about this. I wrote about it in my book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, and I’ll say it again here: Guilt is a lie.)

Bonus tip: Sometimes, it’s better just to say nothing and walk away.

May these tips serve as a recipe for your own journey toward unapologetic self-expression.

Now go forth and be you!

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Mona Andrei is an award-winning humour blogger and author known for her entertaining perspective on life’s quirks. In her most recent book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, she shares a personal journey filled with challenges and triumphs, intertwining stories and insights from single mothers around the globe.

When Mona isn’t writing, you’ll find her practicing her dance moves. As a member of a competitive hip hop team, she likes to think that she’ll stay young and cool forever. She may be delusional.