Confessions of a pandemic-shaped human

Hey there, awesome readers!

Wait. That exclamation point has no business being there.

Don’t get me wrong. I AM happy to be “here”, talking to you.

But I just looked in the mirror and I feel anything BUT excited at the moment. I blame covid.

For context, let me take you back a few years.

Once upon a pre-covid time, I felt fit and strong. That’s because I worked out regularly.

Then as the world became weird and everyone started staying home to avoid each other, businesses were closing. Of course, this included gyms. I’m realizing now that as I was desperately shopping for inexpensive home-gym equipment, my brain was secretly whispering, “This is the perfect time to get lazy and let yourself go, Mona.”

I didn’t think I was actually listening, but clearly I was because here I am.

And instead of doing something about it and taking out my yoga mat, I’m “here” complaining about how much I resemble a couch potato.

And by couch, I mean bean bag.

That’s right. I am a now a bean bag potato. While both bean bags and potatoes are a shape, neither are the shape I have aspired to my entire life.

To clarify, my entire PRE-covid life.

So, here’s my new plan: I’m going to revolutionize the fitness industry.

Forget yoga, pilates, or CrossFit. I’m introducing the world to “Bean Bag Fitness.”

Picture this: You sit in a bean bag chair and…

Well, that’s it. That’s the workout.

The tagline? “Release your inner lump.”

Who’s with me?

No one?

Fine. (And you’re welcome fitness industry.)

I guess it’s back to plan A: dusting off that yoga mat and praying it doesn’t snap under the pressure of my newly acquired bean bag potato physique. Wish me luck, please. And if you hear a loud f-bomb followed by a muffled cry for help, don’t worry. It’s just me attempting a downward dog. (I’m trying to remember the last time I saw my knees from that angle.)

Stay tuned for updates. My plan is to go from bean bag to six pack.

(I’m still not sure if it will be a journey of delusion or determination.)

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Mona Andrei is an award-winning humour blogger and author known for her entertaining perspective on life’s quirks. In her most recent book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, she shares a personal journey filled with challenges and triumphs, intertwining stories and insights from single mothers from around the globe.

When Mona isn’t writing, you’ll find her practicing her dance moves. As a member of a competitive hip hop team, she likes to think that she’ll stay young and cool forever. She may be delusional.