10 things nobody tells you about adulting… Until it’s too late.

Welcome back, awesome readers!

First time here? Well then. Simply, WELCOME!

If you’re anything like me, you know what it is to grow up fantasizing about what it will be like when you finally get to be an adult.

For me back then, one word summed it all up: Freedom.

Basically, doing what you want, when you want, how you want.

Eating chocolate for dinner. (The what.)

At breakfast time. (The when.)

While lying in bed with your fave stuffed animal book. (The how.)

Here’s the thing though. While we’re living in our little childhood fantasy land, imagining what our lives will be like when we “get big”, no one bothers to tell you that adulting is less about “living the dream” and more about wishing you were a kid again.

Translation: adulting is not as fun as we thought it would be.

And just so that you don’t feel like it’s just you, I’ve prepared a list of the top 10 sneaky truths about being an adult that I wish someone had warned me about… before it was too late.

1. Laundry is forever.

Remember a time when you thought laundry was just something your mom did in the background of your life? Yeah, turns out, laundry is FOREVER. Clothes just don’t stop needing to be washed, folded, and then washed again because no, you can’t live in that one hoodie for the rest of your life. (Trust me. I’ve tried.)

To help solve this problem, I’ve prepared a solution. It’s called “blocking out time” and here’s how it goes:

Sorting clothes: 12 minutes.

Washing clothes: 37 minutes.

Drying clothes: 50 minutes.

Folding clothes: 3-5 business days.

Note that this is a reference. Times may vary depending on the size of your household.

2. You have to make your own doctor’s appointments.

And I’m not just talking about the appointment itself. I’m referring to the calling… the waiting on hold with near-suicidal music playing in your ear… the awkward pauses after someone FINALLY answers and you try to explain why you’re calling…

Sounds simple but that’s 70 slow-rolling minutes of your day, GONE. Just like that. And all just for them to schedule you eight months from now when you’ll probably have forgotten why you even called in the first place.

Nope. There’s no shortcut for this one. All we can do is pour ourselves a glass of wine and wait.

3. Nobody prepares you for the cost of garbage bags.

This should really be categorized as one of the great mysteries of all time. I mean, why do garbage bags – where we put our GARBAGE – cost so damn much? We’re literally paying hard-earned money to throw things away. Adulting is basically a milestone in our lives where we realize that budgeting for garbage is a thing.

Oh. Wait!

Budgeting for Garbage…

Sounds like a good title for a book on personal finances, right? Just me? Never mind. Keep reading.

4. Cooking every day. EVERY. DAY.

All those cooking shows we grew up watching as a kid about how fun and easy making dinner is? Lies. And don’t get me started on the magazine headlines that talk about “how to make a 7-course meal in 20 minutes.”

Again, lies. All lies.

The reality of adulting is staring into your fridge at 5:27 p.m., trying to figure out what you can make that everyone in your family will enjoy and with the few ingredients you have because no one tells you that you’re out of milk, butter, juice, bread, rice, and cheese until they need milk, butter, juice, bread, rice, and cheese.

It’s awesome.

5. You forget how to make friends.

It was so easy in school. Especially high school. You simply sat next to someone, shared your answers to a math test, and BOOM! You made a friend for life.

Enter adulthood. It’s like going through puberty all over again.

Awkward.

Self-conscious.

Saying something that no one else gets and wishing the earth would swallow you whole in that moment.

Making friends as an adult requires some kind of Voo-doo magic with a dead chicken. Not that I’ve ever done this myself, but I have THOUGHT about looking up spells for how to ask someone to hang out without sounding like you plan to kill them.  

“So… do you… uh… want to… like… grab dinner… or…ummm… a glass of wine some time?”

Sounds like something Ted Bundy would say, right?

(Unless if your name is Mari-Rose. Then you’re a natural at this. I know this because Mari-Rose is my bestie’s name and when she called to suggest we go out for dinner that first time, I did not feel like she was planning to murder me. All that to say that we need more Mari-Roses in this world.)

6. Bills. All. The. Time.

You knew bills existed, but no one ever told you HOW MANY bills would come in. Electricity, water, phone, internet, insurance, rent. IT JUST NEVER ENDS. And let’s not forget the random bills that sneak up on you, like car registration and “Oops, forgot I subscribed to this service three months ago!”

At this point, I’m convinced my bills have a secret group chat where they plan their monthly attacks.

7. You’ll need to spend way too much money on clothes you don’t even like.

It’s bad enough that adulting throws bills and other feral responsibilities at us. Then there’s the FACT that no one warns us about the wardrobe dilemma! And it kind of creeps up on us, where suddenly we realize that we’re spending way too much money on “professional attire.” And don’t get me started on the “designer” trends. Designed to make us uncomfortable… that’s what that’s about.

And let’s be honest, the literal nanosecond we get home at the end of the day, it’s straight back to the comfort of sweatpants and baggy tops, freeing our poor boobs that have been held hostage for ten straight hours. Freedom and comfort. Now that’s living the dream!

8. Your body will start making weird noises.

One day, you’ll bend over to pick something up, and your knee will sound like a car door in bad need of an oil change. And just like that, with every move you make, your joints will remind you that adulting comes with free sound effects. People will even tell you to SHHHHHH when you’re sitting in a movie theatre and then you just end up not enjoying the movie because you’re afraid to forget not to move. Getting SHHHHHHed at by strangers is never fun.

9. Weekends aren’t weekends anymore.

Remember weekends? You know, two whole days to do WHATEVER YOU WANT? As an adult, weekends are for errands, grocery shopping, cleaning, fixing stuff around the house, laundry, and yard work. Suddenly, your “free time” is just one, big, long to-do list. In my house, this list is referred to as Saturday.

By Sunday night, I’m actually excited for Monday just so I can sit down for five minutes.

10. Nobody knows what they’re doing. You included.

Here’s the real kicker: nobody actually knows what they’re doing. Everyone’s just winging it. As a kid, you were under the impression that the adults in your life had it all figured out. (Yup. Me too.) Turns out, we’re all just guessing and hoping for the best. Welcome to the club!

The reality of adulthood is that it’s not all bad. It’s just not what we expected. Sure, there are perks. Like allowing yourself to eat left-over cold pizza for breakfast. Or having cake for supper, even if that cake is store-bought because, geez. Baking from scratch is a Pinterest lie. (Yes. Another adulting lie.)

So, if you’re feeling “alone” in your adulting journey… like you’re the only one who hasn’t figured it all out yet, don’t worry. None of us have.

Adulting should really be called Kid 2.0: the remix.