Hey there, awesome readers!
At a recent book signing for SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, I remember catching a glimpse of a man hovering near my table, his eyes narrowing as he studied the bold title of SUPERWOMAN on the table banner. In that moment, I was deep in conversation with a reader, only half-aware of his curious expression from the corner of my eye.
As one reader walked away, another eagerly stepped forward for a signed copy of my book. But even as I signed books and exchanged smiles, the man lingered, shifting from one leg to another.
Finally, with a hesitant grin, he joined the line and, leaning in toward me, asked, “Is yourbook available in French?”
Two yeses. One No.
Yes, he did ask me in French.
Yes, I responded in French. (Fun fact: I’m bilingual.)
Here’s the unfortunate no part. SUPERWOMAN is not available in French.
I’m sharing this for what came next.
In my short conversation with this man, he explained to me that his mother had been a solo parent as he was growing up and today, decades later and in his adult man-body and -mind, he recognizes how difficult her life was while raising him and his two siblings alone.
I can’t tell you how touched I was.
Whether you, dear reader, are a single parent or KNOW a single parent, we can all agree that raising children by ourselves, on our often-solitary income and limited support, is a challenge… is not easy… is HARD.
We lose sight of ourselves in our seeming endless list of responsibilities.
We feel alone in our battle to “stay on top of everything.”
We feel consumed by guilt because of our circumstances and lack of resources. (Not to mention lack of energy on some days.)
And while this man was a stranger to me, a stranger I’ll probably never run into again, I felt a connection with him and appreciated his sense of empathy and gratitude toward his mother, who in her years as a young, single mother made many sacrifices.
Whenever I talk to people about the journey of single motherhood (and it’s a conversation I have often), it takes me back to a time when younger me did not give myself enough credit. And while I can’t go back in time and give credit to younger me for everything I did – which was not always perfect but was the best I had at the time – I CAN, today, give you credit and remind you of a few simple truths. Even if you can’t see them right now.
You’re stronger than you think you are. (No, really.)
When life hands you single parenthood, it’s almost never on a silver platter. And it’s easy to feel like you’re barely holding it together. Spoiler alert: You’re not just holding it together – you’re thriving, even when life feels messy.
Sleep? That’s Cute.
Cherish every wink of sleep you can because kids have an internal radar for detecting exactly when you’ve reached peak exhaustion. That’s when they’ll need EVERYTHING from you. And of course, you’ll reach deep into the bottom of your magic bag of tricks and pull out whatever it is they need. Get ready for the nocturnal lifestyle!
Me Time is a precious gem – Guard it fiercely.
You’ll have to learn how to become a ninja about sneaking in moments for yourself. Whether it’s a bath, an early morning cup of coffee before the rest of the house wakes up, or binge-watching your favourite show, these little moments will keep you sane. (And do not – I repeat, DO NOT – feel guilty about taking time for you.)
You’ll find joy in the chaos. (Eventually.)
There will be spilled milk at the end of a long day, chaotic mornings with yelling and unpredictable meltdowns. But among it all, there are hilarious, sweet moments that make everything worth it. Savour those tiny hands, wild hair days, and spontaneous hugs – they’re pure gold. (Confession: I miss the days when my kids were young and still mine.)
You’re not the only one who doesn’t have it all figured out.
Every parent is making it up as they go along. Even the “married” ones. Don’t let social media fool you – no one knows exactly what they’re doing. Parenting does not come with instructions. And when it does, it’s always badly translated because there’s no one-size-fits-all. Do your best and know that you’re doing just fine!
People will give you “helpful” advice. Politely ignore 90% of it.
Everyone has an opinion, and some of it will be wildly off the mark. Trust your instincts; you know your child best. And remember that your values are YOUR VALUES. (Unless if you’re a serial killer. Then ignore this, please.)
Learn to celebrate the small wins.
Forget big milestones – learn to celebrate the everyday victories, like finding three minutes to pee without anyone calling out “MOMMMY!” Or matching socks on a hectic Monday morning.
Accepting – or even ASKING for – help isn’t a weakness; it’s a superpower.
Whether it’s a friend offering to pick up milk for you, or a neighbour who’s available to babysit, take the help. You’re not meant to do this alone. They say it takes a village. I don’t know who exactly “they” are, but they’re right!
Don’t forget to dream for yourself.
This is perhaps my most important message, and the reason why I wrote SUPERWOMAN in the first place. Sure, you’re a mom. But you’re also YOU. Keep your dreams alive, chase them, and remember that finding your own happiness is the best gift – and example – you can give to your kids. Yes, you’re a parent. And that’s an important role. But more importantly, you’re an individual with dreams, goals, and aspirations of your own. And remember: a happy mom is a better parent.
Single motherhood is a journey. And the most challenging part of that journey does not last forever. Believe me when I say that once your kids grow into their own adult lives, you will miss these days.
Hugs.
If bilingual people wrote their books bilingually, it would help and encourage language learners. I know the last thing any single mother needs is more work that might or might not pay off. Just sayin’.
Great point, Priscilla! And thank you for taking the time to share.