Hello, awesome readers!
If we’re connected on social, you might remember my December Gratitude Challenge – a daily practice of focusing on life’s little joys.
If we’re not connected, let’s fix that! Social is more than just sharing cat videos and what we’re having for lunch. It’s about building a community that encourages laughter, inspires, and celebrates life. (We can all use a little support and positivity in our lives.)
Now, back to the challenge…
So, the Gratitude Challenge was a self-imposed series of posts where I focused on something I’m, well, grateful for. And while it ended on December 31st, I plan to continue it as a daily practice. Perhaps not as daily posts, but to help me be mindful of the things that make me happy – both the big (like finding humour in chaos) and the small (like that first sip of morning coffee).
One specific Gratitude Challenge post (Day 5) was about my parents and deserves more thought and fireworks. So here I am, delving deeper.
I consider myself lucky because thanks to a divorce and a remarriage, I have THREE parents. All very different, all equally important to me. Over the years, they’ve each given me direction and advice. Sometimes when I needed it most and didn’t even know it.
So, here’s one piece of advice from each of my parents – all three of them – in chronological order of when they gave it to me. I’m sharing these and their stories because I think you’ll find value in them.
ADVICE FROM MY STEPMOM – I’m about 13 years old. (At the time, not today. Pay attention.)
Context.
Sugar and spice and everything nice. That’s what they say girls are made of. In high school, my list of ingredients had nothing to do with sugar and spice. I was more like half a cup of shyness and 80 pounds of self-doubt. And while I had friends (lots and lots of friends; what teenager doesn’t?), I never really felt like I belonged with any group. I didn’t feel like I “fit in” anywhere. My self-doubt lied to me – IN MY FACE. Not even kidding. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and there it was.
My self-doubt: No one likes you.
Me: *sigh*
So, one day I was talking to my stepmom about this (this being me feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere) and her words made me change the way I saw myself and probably the way I acted around others.
“I used to worry about that when I was your age,” she said. “But as soon as I stopped caring about what other people thought of me, things opened up. Probably because I stopped trying to please everyone.”
It took years for these words to sink in but isn’t this fantastic advice? Especially the “stop caring what other people think” part.
To reinforce this, during my acting years I worked with a director who once said, “It’s not your business what other people think of you.”
*Mic drop*
That’s when I stepped into the role I was playing and completely owned the character. I was no longer stuck in my head but rather in Julie’s. (Julie was the character I was playing.)
ADVICE FROM MY MOM – I’m in my mid 20s. (It’s hard to believe I can remember that far back but, here I am.)
Context.
I had recently broken up with a boyfriend and even though it was my decision, I still went through a hard time. As we all know, breakups are never easy, regardless of why you’re breaking up or whose decision it is.
Not long after the day that I told him to hit the road (do people still say that – “hit the road” – or am I officially vintage?), I learned he’d be at an event I was also attending. The mere thought of running into him sent a jolt through my soul. My hands turned clammy enough to water a bonsai and my stomach tied itself into a pretzel.
“I don’t want to see him,” I told my mother. “I’m not going.”
My mom’s words still echo in my mind.
“Yes, you are,” she said. “And you’re going to walk with your head held high, as though you own the room.”
*gulp*
But I did it. I went to the event, and I walked with my head held high even though I was cowering inside. And you know what? The simple act of faking confidence gave me the courage to stand my ground. I mean, I deserved to be there just as much as he did! (Looking back, I also deserved an Academy Award.)
Without my mother’s advice, my self-doubt would have eaten me alive because I would have imagined his eyes all over me… Judging me (or whatever else I was imagining at the time).
To this day, if I feel uncertain or uncomfortable or awkward (which happens more often than even my self-doubt realizes), I hold my head high and go about my business with pretend confidence. It works. It really does!
Some people say, “fake it ‘till you make it.”
I say, “FACE IT ‘till you make it!”
ADVICE FROM MY DAD – I’m in my early 30s. (It feels like it was just a few years ago but it’s actually a few decades ago.)
For this one, I’m going to share the words of wisdom from my dad first because the context file is way too big.
His words: “Don’t be so goddamn stubborn.”
At the time when my father shared his sage advice, I didn’t think I was stubborn because, well, I was stubborn. But now that I’m THIS age and slightly more self-aware, I get it.
Okay, NOW we may context.
I consider myself a bit of a late bloomer. Wait, I’m not finished yet. I consider myself a bit of a late bloomer with a strong capacity for making stupid decisions.
Like the time I left the house to pick up a few groceries and came home with a couple of goats in the back seat of my car.
Fun fact: Did you know that goats eat anything, including car upholstery? Yeah. I didn’t know that either until I was driving home with my newly acquired pets and THE DAMN GOATS ATE MY BACK SEATS.
So how does one go out to pick up eggs and come home with goats?
There I was, driving down a country road, minding my own business, and there it was: a sign:
GOATS FOR SALE!
Naturally, I took this sign as a sign that I needed goats. *insert eye roll*
After paying the farmer, I was determined to get my goats into my car. The problem was that they didn’t want to leave the farm. I pulled on their halter. I pushed them from behind. The damn goats just wouldn’t climb into my car. Well, until they finally did. (And yes, I needed TWO goats.)
They were stubborn. But I was stubbornER. It never dawned on me that perhaps my stubbornness was not being put to good use.
Lesson learned? Sometimes, it’s better to let things flow. If the goats don’t want to come home with you, let them stay where they belong. (Which, at the time, was NOT in the back seat of my car.)
These nuggets of wisdom have been like little compasses guiding me through life. They’ve helped me find direction, humour in chaos, and the courage to embrace growth.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? Inquiring minds want to know!
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Mona Andrei is an award-winning humour blogger and author known for her entertaining perspective on life’s quirks. In her most recent book, SUPERWOMAN: A Funny and Reflective Look at Single Motherhood, she shares a personal journey filled with challenges and triumphs, intertwining stories and insights from other single mothers.
When Mona isn’t writing, you’ll find her practicing her dance moves. As a member of a competitive hip hop team, she likes to think that she’ll stay young and cool forever. She may be delusional.
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